I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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