oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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