She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
