I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
