guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
