Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize