Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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