As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize