when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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