Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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