Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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