just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
