She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
