Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
