yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
