did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
