i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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