the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
