hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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