did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
