Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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