dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
