I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
