and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
