dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize