He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
