his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I need to calm my uterus...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
