youre lurking in front of me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
