That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
