she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize