I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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