i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i love accidental penises.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
