I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
we made out on top of his cat.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
