i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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