She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
