everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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