had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize