pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
