you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
