guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
