Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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