He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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