There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
