you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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