You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
