i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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