At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
