First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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