He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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