I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize