Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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