Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
