By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
