I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
