I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm getting married
To pizza
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
