I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
