I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
