WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
