This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize