She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
