i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
