How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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